Edwards Memories
by Leah Fayye
Summary: This was originally just a one-shot of Edward, but I'm adding more. I might change the name. EdxB. Takes place in New Moon. Lyrics in first chapter from Better Than Me - Hinder. Hope you like!
1. Chapter 1

**Hope you guys like this. It's my first fanfic, so go a little easy on me. I'm hoping to write some more...I have a few ideas for Ed/Bell, so some more short stories should be going up soon.**

**A/N2 I know this was supposed to just be a one shot of Edward, but I couldn't resist. I'm adding more chapters! I'm probably changing the name too, so if it's different, this was formerly_ Edward's Memories._ Hope you like!**

_Disclaimer: Of course, I don't own Twilight. I don't own any characters, and I don't own the song I quote, or the quotes from New Moon that I stick in there. Enjoy._

Edward's POV

I wished I could sleep. Forget. Forget everything: lying, leaving. I closed my eyes, trying to simulate freedom from consciousness. As soon as my lids closed over my eyes, visions of my dear Bella paraded across my mind.

_I really miss your hair in my face._

I could remember the feeling of her hair, long and silky and beautiful. The way it would splay out over her pillow while she slept. When I could lie close next to her and feel it on my face.

_And the way your innocence tastes._

Her lips on mine, offensively warm, beyond any other feeling I'd experienced. Holding her close, every inch of her hot skin burning against my own, her breath just as sweet.

I clutched my head, prying my eyes open, trying to push away the visions of my love. I tried in vain. Even after my eyes were open and I could see all four corners of the empty white room, her face assaulted my eyes.

_You deserve much better than me._

I leaned my head back against the wall, remembering every word I'd said to her. _"I don't want you to come with me."_ Her sunken reply, filled with agony. _"You…don't…want me?"_ And that repulsive word that had left my lips, sealing the lie. _"No."_

Pain coursed through me as I replayed the scene in my head. I found myself writhing on the floor. I didn't need to breathe, but now I had trouble even trying to. I rolled face down, pressing my forehead against the hard floor.

"_I'm…tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella."_ My words flowed quickly through my mind now. But hers…slowly…softly. She'd whispered so quietly, but I could hear her. _"Don't…don't do this,"_ she'd begged. _"You're not good for me, Bella."_

I could feel tangible pain now. I stood and crossed to the wall, slamming my fist through it. It passed through the flimsy partition with ease.

"_Wait!"_ she'd called after me. I remember. I'd kissed her forehead. At that moment, it was hardest. Feeling her warm skin under my lips almost changed my decision entirely. It wouldn't be that bad to stay. Or take her with me. But Charlie. And Renee. I couldn't take her from her family. And I couldn't stay. It would only hurt her more, no matter how much she tried to tell me it wouldn't.


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: Don't own anything. Thank you Stephenie Meyer_

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I could just see her face. I could just sneak back, watch her from a distance. She'd never see me. I'm sure she has moved on. It was foolish to think I could've held on to her forever. If I could see her happy...that would make things better. I could just slip in. Maybe if I talked to Alice, she could help.

I picked myself up off the floor and dragged my feet to the door, slower than a human's walking pace. Alice would be with Jasper. I searched through all the voices in my head, trying to find hers. She was too far away.

I was out the door and running. The darkness cloaked my speed as I passed into the woods, and the rain pierced my skin. As I ran, I pulled my cell phone from my pocket, dialing home. Well, not home. The new home that my family had been staying at. It rang once, and then there came an answer.

"Hello?" the voice could only be Rosalie's.

"Rose. Give me Alice. Now."

I heard her exhale. At first I thought it was annoyance, but then I caught something else. Sadness. Rosalie?

"What's happened? Tell me, Rose, what is it?"

She waited a few moments, and then her words spilled out over themselves.

"Bella is dead."

I stopped running. My feet skidded to a halt. "What?" I whispered hoarsely.

"She jumped off a cliff. Edward, I--"

Before she could continue, I'd hung up and started dialing Bella's number. It couldn't be. It wasn't possible.

"Swan residence," answered a voice I didn't recognize, but I was too preoccupied to care. I couldn't ask for Bella. That would be too obvious. I just needed confirmation, of something, anything. And I could say that it was me.

"This is Dr. Carlisle Cullen. Is Chief Swan available?" I tried desperately to mimic Carlisle's formal tone.

I heard a sharp exhalation. "He's not here," the voice seethed.

"Where is he?" My formal façade was slipping.

After a short silence, "He's at the funeral."

I didn't even get a chance to say anything in farewell before my phone snapped between my fingers. No. It couldn't be.

I made up my mind right then what I would do, what I _had_ to do. Bella, my sweet, dear Bella, was gone forever.


End file.
